Holosync Review

12/19/09

So today was my second day using the holosync prologue cd track one called "dive". I ordered the program after trying the free demo cd. It only took the prologue 2 days to arrive after I ordered it, so that was very exciting.

Anyway, yesterday (my first day) was interesting. Before you can actually meditate you have to listen to an hour long introduction explaining everything about the program and how it works. Then there is frequently asked questions, a whole book, and some other stuff to read. I'm kind of impatient (maybe the meditating will help) so I only listened to half the intro and read the FAQs before listening to "dive" for 30 minutes.

At first I felt incredibly peaceful and at one with the universe. I felt that I had everything I needed in life and blissful. Toward the end I started thinking about all the things I had to do and almost felt bored. The instructions say to let whatever happen happen, and not to worry about trying to concentrate or anything. It also says if the brain gets overwhelmed it is a normal response to feel antsy or tired. I did feel kinda antsy, but I kept listening to the end.

Today I didn't feel quite as blissful but I was incredibly relaxed. My head kept nodding off like I was asleep but I felt fully awake in my head. I had to adjust in my seat a few times to make sure I was awake. I didn't feel antsy today, though.

12/21/09

I meditated with the cd last night but I think I waited until I was too tired because I don't really remember much of my thoughts. I remember my brain kind of hurting after but that could have been from being tired. It is weird because I am becoming more aware of my issues but it happens during the day, not really when I'm meditating. I don't know if that is an effect of the cd or not.

I went online yesterday and did the first lesson of the 4-lesson online course that you get free with your prologue. It asks you to rate a bunch of things in your life and then figure out 3 that you really want to improve. I picked romantic relationship, finances, and passion about something you're doing. So I need to focus on what I want to happen in those areas.

For finances I really want to step up my game, especially with my internet marketing. I'm a procrastinator so I really need to focus on how I can commit to doing something for my sites every day. It is easy for me to put it aside because I have other job commitments, but internet marketing is what I really want to do full time, so I need to make it happen. I've signed up for a bunch of courses and mentoring, but then I end up slacking off and not taking action. So that is what I need to do to improve my finances.

As far as a romantic relationship... oh jeez, where do I start. I feel like I'm in love with one of my really close male friends, but rationally it makes no sense whatsoever. Emotionally I keep telling myself I want to be with him, but rationally there is really no reason for me to want that. I think it is just easier for me to hold on to a love for him than to put myself out there where I can get hurt. It makes no sense and it is something I have thought a lot about. I think I'm just so scared to open myself up to a relationship that I want that I use my love for him as an excuse not to try to date anyone else.

I also have a "crush" on a guy I've seen around at a lot of events I go to. When I talk to him, he seems like he might be interested but he has never pursued me in any way or asked for my number. It seems to me that when a guy likes you he will do something to make an effort to at least hang out with you, and this guy hasn't done that.

Other than that, I meet new guys all the time. I'm not bad looking so I have many men who ask me out. I'm so paranoid about trusting anyone that I don't know really well that I hardly ever make the effort to actually meet up with a new guy. It is something that I need to work on.

Centerpointe says that the first step to fixing something is to become aware of it. Once you are aware of it you can come up with a plan to fix it. It says it can be very uncomfortable to try to fix your issues, which is why they have the counselors. I think I'm going to have to call them because maybe they can help me get out of my own way and stop holding onto things.

The last thing I chose to focus on is to be passionate about what I do. I think for the most part, I am passionate but I think it is just that I don't feel the passion day in and day out and I would like to. I would like to wake up and jump out of bed looking forward to all the excitement of the day. I'm not quite at that level.

I think tonight I will try and meditate earlier so I can actually remember and have something to write about. : )

12/25/09

So it has been a few days since I've written but I have been using the cd every night. It is weird because I still don't feel like I'm "meditating". I think a lot while listening so it isn't like I clear my mind or anything like you would think would happen during a meditation. I have noticed that I don't get upset as easily and I seem to feel more "in tune" with the world, if that makes sense.

For example, my mom was criticizing me and calling me names all day and normally that would either make me feel really bad or make me mad, and I felt fine and calm all day. Also, my best friend didn't get me a gift and normally I would feel hurt or disappointed but I was fine with it. I was slightly upset for like a minute and then I was completely over it.

Yesterday I got a free gift from Centerpointe which was another cd that has silent affirmations about being ok with change. I was pretty excited about it. It is a bit overwhelming because I'm still trying to wait the 14 days to be able to listen to both tracks on the first cd, plus there are all these extra cds I want to listen to. I don't have time to listen to over an hour of these cds.

Anyway, so far I'm still enjoying the sounds and I do feel generally better. I haven't really felt bad and the few times I started to I was over it really quickly. As far as working on the stuff for my homework, that doesn't really seem to be working. I don't seem to really be any more motivated to fix these things than I was before, but we shall see.

1/2/10

It has been a few days since I have written but I have been listening to the dive almost every day. I missed one day. Last night I listened to the dive and immersion for the first time. I got an email from Bill today encouraging me to do the "homework" and call the counselors. I am out of the country for the next few weeks so that isn't going to happen soon.

I'm not sure if the meditation is doing anything or not. I am on an island in the Caribbean so I have nothing to really be upset about. Things aren't exactly working out perfectly, but really, how upset can you get when you are swimming in turquoise water...?

1/18/10

Well things have been interesting. Haven't written in awhile but that is mostly do to my travels. I had a small break down on a bus in Guatemala. Started crying about something that happened when I was about 4 that I thought I had no issues with. I think listening at night when I'm falling asleep is a bad idea. I end up listening to more than one soundtrack and then turning it off midway through, which I guess is bad because it doesn't let your brainwaves settle back the right way.

It seems like I am uncovering and becoming aware of issues that may be getting in my way. I've moved onto the second homework. This one talks about how you create these categories for qualities that are either good or bad. You try to have all the good things and act in a way that you believe is good while not having any bad qualities. A lot of people repress all the bad qualities, even though they still have them, and they show themselves in negative ways in your life.

If you really get upset about a quality in someone else, it is probably a quality that you have been repressing inside yourself. The homework involves writing down a quality that really upsets you and then answering a bunch of questions in the voice of that "negative" quality. This was pretty eye opening for me.

I decided that I need to try and be as honest with myself as possible. I have a tendency to lie to myself about how I'm feeling about things happening in my life. I tell myself that I am ok with things that I am not ok with. I need to stop this. I know how I want my life to be and I get frustrated that things aren't that way and then I tell myself that it is ok. But I want what I want and I need to do the things that are going to get me those things.

I want a relationship but I don't really think that I have anything to offer a partner. I can be a loving companion, but is that enough? I want to be perfect for someone but I don't expect them to be perfect for me. This is an issue I have always had with relationships, but I don't really know how to fix it. Maybe as a child I felt like I had to be perfect to be loved...? Hmmm.

I want to replace my income from my job now with income from internet marketing. I have been trying to do this for quite some time. I never finish. I'll start one site and then move on to the next and end up at different levels but never completely finish. I try to make things harder than they are. I know how to do it but it seems so simple that I don't see how it will work. Instead of trying the simple solution I just keep looking for more complicated ways of doing it. Trying to find "the secret" when everyone keeps telling me the same simple ways of making money. Why?

Then I have to ask myself what is so wrong with my life? I'm happy with my job, I've been able to travel, I can afford my bills. No matter how successful I become I will always want more. That is human nature.

I am worried about my mother being jealous of me. I don't know why. Shouldn't mothers be happy and proud when their children do better than them? Mine isn't. That is something I need to be ok with. I need to be ok with the fact that I will never please my mother. You would think I would be too old to worry about this issue, but apparently I'm not. I want to be successful. I want to be proud of myself. I don't want to worry about what anyone else thinks.

I'm afraid of disappointing people. I don't like people to have expectations for me because I'm afraid that if they expect something and it doesn't happen then they will be disappointed. I like to do my own thing under the radar. Success is hard to hide.

Anyway, this was kind of a rant, but I'm using this as the place for me to write all of the thoughts and feelings that I'm becoming aware of as I use the Holosync program and I haven't been able to do it daily.

1/31/10

So my "daily" holosync diary that I planned to write isn't really working out that well. However, I'm much more motivated than I ever have been to do the things I want to do. I've been working on my website, working out a lot, getting a lot better at sticking to a healthy diet, and being more ok with things that I may not have been ok with in the past. I feel stronger mentally, physically, and emotionally. Now honestly, I have no idea if this is because of the holosync program or if the holosync program is just part of a greater desire to change my life. I don't have a whole lot to write today, but these are the main things going on right now.

2/17/10

So I can't believe I have been using Holosync for 8 weeks already. I don't always get to meditate for the whole hour and I have skipped about 3 or so days over that time, but I find I look forward to my sessions. If nothing else, it gives me a chance to dream about how I want my life.

Things have been going really well for me. I am so motivated to do things. I am pretty skeptical so it is hard for me to say that this is due to Holosync but again maybe the desire to change is what makes me keep going with the program and making all the changes in my life.

I don't feel as strong of a connection to the friend I was referring to earlier. I love him as a friend but feel I am ready to jump on the dating bandwagon again. That alone is enough of a change to make me feel good.

My eating habits still aren't as healthy as I'd like, so that is something I need to become more aware of. Why am I eating things I know are not healthy? And I can't say it is just because they taste good because sometimes when I eat unhealthy things they really don't even taste that good, it is just that my brain is trained to make me think they do... if that makes sense.

As for my websites, I try to do something for them every day. Before it was so easy for me to put off doing something that would actually make a difference. I would run out of time each day and just never get to it. Now I tell myself I am just going to do SOMETHING every day, even if it is just posting one article. You have to lay a brick before you can build a wall... something I learned from Will Smith.

I've been going to meetups for internet marketing, which helps me stay motivated. I am basically doing all the things that I've "been meaning to do" for awhile and it is really making me feel a lot better about myself.

So there ya go, my two month update of using Holosync. Things are definitely looking up, I feel a lot more confident, I'm doing things I tell myself I'm going to do instead of putting it off... things are good.

2/21/10

What a fun weekend. So I got out of my "comfort zone" and went on a date with a guy who messaged me on facebook. That is something I normally wouldn't do but he seemed to have a lot in common with me according to his info so I went out on a limb and said yes. It turned out to be really cool. He was fun to talk to and we hung out for over 3 hours. It gave me hope for future dates.

It's still difficult for me to hang out with new guys. I don't really understand why. I'm trying to figure it out. I think it is because I am so comfortable with my guy friend and hanging out with someone new is always a bit uncomfortable. Plus you have to wait for the intimacy of a relationship. It takes awhile to build up and I'm kind of impatient. I am just so proud of myself for taking the chance.

Hung out with a lot of different friends this week. I've come such a long way in the last year. I sometimes forget how I was.

I may be taking a trip to China at the end of March. We'll see about that. I've decided that I'm going to somehow make $2,000 before March 1st so I can go. Only one week left to figure that out.

So yeah things are good and should only be getting better. Still been meditating, although it is hard for me to squeeze in the hour. I still am just doing the dive most days.

6/6/10

I haven't been doing as well lately with the meditation. I would say for the past month I have only been meditating 5 out of 7 days and just the dive. But this is because I have been so busy. I can't even tell you how great life is right now. The only thing missing is money, which I guess in the grand scheme of things, isn't all that bad.

So I see it has been over 3 months since my last post! Jeez! So much for regular updates. I just got back from a week in New Zealand. It is an amazing country. The trip had its ups and downs, but that was mostly because of the company that I traveled with. I got an amazing deal on the flight and am so happy that I went.

I met a new man. He seems to be absolutely amazing. He is so amazing I'm scared of trusting it. He doesn't seem like he can be real. He seems totally into me, too. He doesn't play games and he seems to be really open. He wants me to talk to his family. He wants me to be comfortable all the time. It just doesn't seem like he can really be this great. All I can do is enjoy the ride and hope for the best.

I've been trying to exercise more. The great thing about the new guy is he is really active so I finally have a good hiking partner, etc. I've been trying to eat better, too. Slowly starting to lose all the weight I gained over the last 4 months. I'm back to around where I've been for the last year. With any luck I can stay motivated and make it back to where I feel comfortable, which is about 18 pounds lighter.

I'm really happy right now. Nothing is perfect but things are really good. I hope things only get better. :)